She-friend

Women bond over complaining and criticism. We grumble about men and their infantile obsession with explosions, violence, and mayhem. No one could bond over such atrocious behavior! Yet women are worse. Without the grace of our Savior and the love of Jesus Christ in our hearts, we bond over interpersonal explosions, emotional violence, and petty complaining mayhem. It's uglier than any video game, more brutal than any slasher flick, more appalling than a night watching the WWF. But bad attitudes and petty disputes bring women outside of God's mercy together like peanut butter and jelly.

This is the kind of female relationships I am used to. I grew up with unbelieving, incredibly liberal dancer friends. Each of them beautiful, empathetic, gentle, and amazing in her own way. Combined, all this femininity has the disastrous potential of C-4. I couldn't relate to the women at church, those who seemed to have it all together, like I could to the women in the trenches, trying to survive like me. Rarely, did I partake in the slamming, complaining festivities. But there I sat: listening, absorbing, thinking this kind of gossip and malice were normal, were what made girls close.

For mother's day Justin (bless him all the way to his socks) stayed home with the kids while I went out with a wonderful friend. We saw a movie and went out to eat. Over a delightful (and somewhat ridiculous) amount of sushi we chatted about life and got to know one another better. Then, she said it... "I've always felt you were your own person, not swayed by the crowd, not compromising." (Paraphrase. She was more eloquent. I wish I had been wearing a wire, so I could catch her exact phraseology and meaning... I imagine wearing a wire would have cancelled the possibility of Indian food next week, though.)

She complimented me. Un-solicited and with sincere admiration, she gave me a true compliment. I don't know what external Abi was doing. Probably, she smiled thankfully, or shook her head as if to say 'oh thank you, but not really.' Internal Abi was panicking.

What do I do now? She is so nice. I should compliment her back... You too? I think you're smart? Sweet? Cool? The kind of person who wouldn't point out that COOL hasn't been cool since the 90's?

I think the best of this friend, but I am so unused to receiving and giving genuine compliments. And isn't that a little sad. What a difference to be in the presence of a sister with a genuine heart and wonderful spirit. She is not the church face that most people show; she is in the trenches. But she is not alone in the trenches. The One who makes us family has given us hope and that hope let's us see with a spirit of goodness and compassion and patience... sometimes. Often enough to make this woman look different, sound different, live differently than every other close female friend I have had.

So we will be having more coffee or sushi or whatever other excuse to hang out. Because I need practicing reminding people of how genuinely incredible they are, and I imagine she needs practicing hearing such things.