switched at security

We just returned from a two week vacation to see Nana/Papa, Grandma/Grandpa, aunties, uncles, cousins, associate pastors, nursery workers, and pastor's wives. ... And mountains. Because the flat in Texas will just gnaw at you until suddenly you look down and find teeth marks in your soul. ... I'm not sure why we have to look downwardly to see our soul. Perhaps because it settles into our feet? That must be why I'm a dancer. Restless soul all saggin' in my toes.

It was a wonderful trip, one where we accomplished visiting with almost everyone and everything we have missed so dreadfully for six months. (I did not get to visit Coldstone. Which, really, was over half of the reason I was returning home. From the perspective of my cake-batter-and-reeses deprived tummy, the whole venture was a complete bust.)

It was such a supremely glorious trip... that I will never, ever go on vacation again.

I suspect that while walking through the metal detector in security, the magnetism (Is that what metal detectors run on? or is it radiation... or Kryptonite... Someone who took science in college let me know.) distorted the poles in my childrens' brains, replacing them with neurotic, spoiled, when-did-you-get-so-LOUD! munchkins. It must have been the security scanners which have resulted in such horrific behavior in my children now. It couldn't possibly have been this:

Or this...

I'm sure this had nothing to do with it...

I'm not sure what this is, but I bet it didn't make one smidgen of difference in the spoiling my children underwent...

No, I'm sure playing in a helicopter under the ever adoring gaze of grandparents was utterly unrelated to their current foulness of mood.

So you see, they had NO FUN AT ALL. And all that no fun has made mommy seem like the most exciting and interesting human being on the planet. They just cannot wait to jump out of bed in the morning and go adventuring with mama to... anticipation killing you?... Target! YEAH! And if they're extra good, we might take a side trip off the beaten path to... the GYM! WOOHOO!

No, Mama gets all the fun of re-disciplining the munchkins after weeks of wild entertainment, delicious pretzels for breakfast, and absolute adoration from every person they saw. Lucky Mama.

If anyone knows a traveling caravan that's currently looking for an incredibly bright three-year-old, and a two-year-old with more energy than an exploding star, let me know.