Satan's Panties

This post is based on two basic premises: 1)We don't do laundry that often, and 2) our dog has some severe psychological issues.

Living in America with a vast availability of comparatively expendable wealth and places at which to expend it, Justin and I have enough clothing to take us through at least a week or two without needing to do laundry. I'm sure we could go a good deal longer, but some of the combinations we would have to devise might leave the general public scratching their heads. At the end of every clothing rotation, once I've been through the comfy cottons, the seamless solids, and even the fun prints, are the red undies. Don't you blush for shame; we all have them. They are red and lacy and monstrously uncomfortable. Once intended for sexier purposes, they now merely serve to squeeze one more day out of any already maxed wash cycle.

Dumpster, our special puppy, has this unusual habit of transporting our dirty laundry one article at a time to the living room every night, and making himself a little nest of mom and dad's clothing. His favorite items are dad's socks, mom's unmentionables, and Noah's onesies. It is super annoying.

Friday was a rushed morning. We had someone coming in to clean our air vents, so we were trying to move furniture and pull covers off. In the rush of it, Dumpy snoozed away on the couch, on a small selection of our dirty clothes. I returned home that afternoon, after allowing strangers in my home all day to clean and dis-in-microbial-fect. There spread out across our couch, leaving no room for doubt as to their identity, were my lacy, red panties.

What do you do at that point? I'm sure this is the real reason the British claimed Australia. Every young British maid, whose knickers got left in public view, could run away to a hot desert land, where they would never again have to face polite company. Although I'm sure there are a few deranged kangaroos that probably make a habit of stealing frocks and bloomers to make little beds out of. There is a Dumpy in every bunch. Except maybe this Ririe bunch if he ever does that again.