Because I know I haven't blogged in two weeks, but am too tired to think of anything. I made this list in the throes of pregnancy.
The top five things a pregnant woman doesn't want to hear:
1. "I didn't have any morning sickness at all. I just love being pregnant."
Really, good for you; I spent the first five months thinking I might just throw up my own toes.
2. "You're glowing!"
Are you telling me this sucker is nuclear?
3. "The day before I went into labor I taught a pilates class, and took kung fu, and ran a marathon, and won an academy award."
Well, good for you; the day before I went into labor I ate a plate of nachos and took a nap.
4. "I delivered the baby at home in the bathtub."
Umm... no. I want legalized opiates readily available. And I'd like to take a bath again sometime... ever.
5. "Can I touch your belly?"
... There's just too many retorts available for this one. I can't pick my favorite.
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